http://www.huffingtonpost.com/blackberry/p.html?id=3209305
At one point in motherhood, I was absolutely uptight and very much affected by what people think and the expectations of the "social norms" of parenting.
At one point, I was disturbed by comments and standards set up some so-called experts.
At the end of the day, I became miserable and I didn't enjoy parenthood. What changed me was one word from my husband "chillax".
If someone says that it requires a lot of patience to be a parent, he would disagree. He would say the key to parenting is to chill and relax, this "chillax".
Since I learnt to be more laid back in my parenting style, we enjoy one another more. Isaac has a lot of liberty to explore and we watch and keep him safe.
I allow him to eat fries and he loves it. He eats chocolate wafer and ice cream sometimes. On some weekends, we skip the morning showers together. And sometimes, we go to bed late. I allow him to mess up and we learn to keep his toys together.
He plays with what my husband calls "industrial toys", such as wooden spoon used for cooking, Tupperware, a full milo tin and cutleries in the restaurant (not to mention creating a din).
There were times he screamed and cried because he waited too long sitting with us at a restaurant, we just let him have his moment while we finish up our food. The same applies to when we have to finish up some urgent matters such as a visit to the restroom and he wouldn't allow us to. We would tell him,"too bad. You have to wait."
Who cares? If we, as parents allow him to explore the world, he will eventually learn. And yes. He turns out to be able to take instructions much better at 14 months.
He learnt that when he sees smoke from a cup or bowl, it is hot. And when there is vapour, it is cold. He learnt that when he lie down too quickly to throw tantrum, he would hit his head too hard. So, he gently put down his head before rolling and kicking, much to our amusement and often, we let him be and then pick him up to explain to him.
The incidents reduced. And he began to understand us much better.
Some friends are amazed at my calmness. But like the article, I don't feel I am a bad parent.
I just choose to ignore all comments, views and social acceptable standards, and run my family my own way. I choose to bring up my child my own way.
And when friends think I am such a "poor thing" having to bring Isaac out everywhere. Actually, I want to! And I enjoy it. I love bringing my little terror out.
Who cares? To me, giving Isaac security and love is the most important. With security, he can be confident to expire his world.
This little adventure I introduce him to. The liberty I allow him to have - of course, watched and loosely controlled, is how I want him to be when he grows up.
To always have the spirit of adventure to explore, take calculated risks and always keep the curiousity burning - to learn for life.
Note: Just to clarify... When I said I ignored comments, it includes compliments. I humbly thank compliments for Isaac but I don't feel proud. My pride is for my own to enjoy in his development. Having said that, I also do not judge myself. Cos judging myself means, judging others. And this also means comparison. I just bask in my own confidence as Isaac's mummy and the joy of bring a parent. That's as simple as that. And this spirit has been brought into my entire being. Not just parenthood anymore.
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