Habits

I was watching a drama serial last night and in the show, the female character said that she maintained her habit of writing diary to her ex boyfriend. Beats me who this ex boyfriend was. But she told that to her then boyfriend. It was kinda' complicating for me because I watched the show from the middle and really didn't know the story at all.

Nevertheless, that wasn't the main point. The main point was, most of us live our lives via habits. There were many things we did and still maintained because, we are simply used to doing them.

For instance, my mother still has the habit of picking up the phone and dialling my grandmother's home, or thinking of buying fish for her, only to remember that she's no longer around.

For me, I too, have my habits of worrying about her. And it must have been the ocsillation between worrying about her and the reality of her not being around anymore that caused me some stress and pent-up sadness. So, I fell sick.

Today is the first Saturday we are spending without grandma. This morning, when mum mentioned about buying fish for her, I couldn't help it but teared. It has been a habit for me to visit her on Saturday. To see her sitting on her chair waiting for me to buy her snacks.

Sometimes, she would give me this adorable, warm smile to show me how pleased she was to see me. Or else, I could crack a few jokes just to make her smile again.

For the past week since she passed on, I went to bed each night thinking of her alot and couldn't go to sleep. At times, I simply cannot believe that she has passed on already. At other times, I choose to believe she is happier and try to push her out of my head.

All in all, I miss her.

And on this Satuday (today), I feel a little lost. Still recovering from my illness and wondering what to do next.

Habit, is really quite a scary thing, and it really takes quite a bit to kick it.

My little brother - grown up

It's my brother's birthday today. He's 24 already. Although more mature and sensible, he's still imaptient, stubborn, hot-tempered and short fused. But what can I say/? He'll always be my little brother.

Even when I said I don't care, I would care. When I decided to ignore him and let him be, I would still protect him and take care of him from the side.

I really do cherish my relationship with him. Since young, we have a very close relationship and I would take care of him even when he ran into trouble in school.

But gone are those days when he would come to me, face pale and seeking me to see his teacher. Now, he's so much bigger than me that people mistaken him as my elder brother instead. And, he now takes care of me instead, and sometimes plays the role of a protector.

I hope our close relationship will be sustained for life, no matter what happens. I have seen many siblings go their ways when they get married. I hope my brother and I would always have such close ties.

Meanwhile, I just want him to have a good year ahead, and all the best wishes. I'll not stop praying for him.

Happy Birthday bro.

Bday Wish List

People have asked me what my birthday wish is. I seriously don't know... I have too many wants. So, here's a list... which I throw in which ever comes to mind...

1. Camera - Fujifilm F-50
2. Coach - Legacy series, in camel or white and dark brown colour (with pocket in front... one pocket only)
3. Nice watch - Casual Wear
4. Wallet
5. Room make over
6. New mobile phone - but I can't decide on the model - I am getting it already.7. Earphones for my ipod nano (Yeah! DD said he will buy them for me. Love him so much!)
8. Happiness, good health and peace for my beloveds
9. Promotion
10. Dresses... shoes... skirts... accessories etc etc (how typical of a girl)
11. New hairdo (getting it on Sunday)
12. A nice surprise from my DD
13. Emporio Armani sunglasses
14. New running shorts - with opening on the sides (airy)
15. New Nike sports bra
16. New bikini
17. Underwater camera casing (For Fujifilm F-50)
18. Underwater torch light - small, compact and powerfully bright
19. Gucci Envy
20. Other nice perfume - nothing too sweet. Something along the line of Issey Miyaki, Calvin Klein Eternity Moments, Polo Ralph Romance, Hugo Boss Woman etc would be perfect...
21. A dive trip not to maybe Phuket, Bali, Koh Samui... but not the same old place please...
22. A year's supply of Evelyn and Crabtree Rosemary Hand Therapy
23. O.P.I. Shanghai Shimmer Nail Polish, base and top coats and French Manicure Set
24. An Air Purifier for the office... (A small one)
25. Strobe (Sunpak)

My Pillar of Strength

Aside from Abba... My pillar of strength is none other than my DD.

Throughout my toughest moments lately, he has been through it all with me. I am loving him even more now.

Thank you baby.

The fraility of life

It's not uncommon to hear people say "Life is so fragile". And I absolutely agree with this statement.

I have seen and heard so many cases of lost lives, in rather abrupt situations. And, the recent cyclone that hit Myannmar, taking away over 20,000 deaths and still counting, shows how unexpected events could just happened. Of course, the proximity of such disasters may not impact our lives, but what about those that happen to our loved ones?

My grandmother entered Persistent Vegetative State today. It happened very abruptly and I last saw her on Saturday. On that day, I already noticed her body stiffness worsening on top of her loss in appetite. Even so, I had other activities I wanted to attend to, so I left her place early without much interaction with her.

I brought my observation up to my dad the next evening and we both agreed to take her to the hospital for a thorough check-up soon. I was secretly worried that she was gradually progressing to stroke. But I did nothing, but waited.

After that, I got busy. On Wednesday, I had to leave for Bangkok. At the airport, I called my loved ones, including my paternal grandma. Just before calling my darling, I thought of calling my maternal grandma. I contemplated. I didn't call. I decided that since she could hardly talk, it didn't matter. I would see her on Saturday.

But, I didn't get to see her, or talk to her. And now, I am not even sure if she could hear me. I was planning to bring my mom out for mothers' day lunch before visiting my grandma with her mothers' day tea. I didn't get to do it.

I wonder if she knows how much I love her or appreciate her. I so hope that she would watch me walk down the aisle with my DD. Yet, everytime I see her suffering from the pain of walking, it hurts me.

It occurs to me how we usually take people around us for granted, typically people who love you a lot. They are usually the family members. We always have this "there's still tomorrow" thought and sometimes, forget to appreciate them, or express our love to them. At times, we quarrel but we forget to love.

Ronan Keating's song, "If tomorrow never comes" suddenly made a lot of sense to me. I mean, it always makes sense, but I never ponder on the words so much.

I think it's very important to "kiss and make up" with loved ones. And, we should never wait for "tomorrow" to spend some quality time with them, or tell them we love them. Whenever we are able to, we should. Because life is really so fragile. Unexpected events could just take a life away.

I really do cherish and love my family. I hope they will always know my appreciate and love for them.

Time zoomed by

This is yet another "Time zoomed by" blog. But it's true. Sometimes, I really have no idea how time could just slipped me by. I am just so caught up in my own life events that I lost track of the ticking hands.

Nevertheless, today, I decided to blog again.

For two reasons.

1. It is Good Friday as I am blogging. It's a holy day when our Lord sacrificed for us to free us from all our sins. God loved us so much he sent his one and only son to die for us. This is a love so great. And as a Christian, I have seen so many miracles in my life. I really thank God for everything.

2. I saw something that really warmed my heart today. It's about another father's love. I was having dinner with my mom and two tables from us sat a father and a daughter. He got angry because the order took too long to arrive.

After much chasing, the food finally came. When the food arrived, I noticed they were sharing one plate of food. And the father gave most of the food to the daughter. It really warmed my heart how much a father who could be so furious and shouting at the restaurant staffs could be so gentle and generous with his daughter.

It reminded me of how my dad would wake up in the middle of the night to phone me when I was out late. Or when I forgot to call home to tell him I would be out late or staying out. It reminded me of how my dad couldn't sleep well when I travelled alone on business trips.

It reminded me of how my dad would worry about my heartbreaks and even had pet talks with me. Or how he would help me tie my hair when my mom was sick so I could go to school. Or how hard he works so hard so I could be comfortable.

Yet, not once did he complain. He is always happy to see me around.

Today, I felt the love of a great father, our God, a love of another father, my dad and the love of all fathers. I know all fathers love their children. O! How great is a father's love.

Happy Good Friday.

Let us remember this day that our heavenly Father sent Jesus to die for us and set us free. In doing so, he sacrificed his son and we know how much our heavenly father loves us.

Amen.

Shalom Israel

Shalom!

I have been to Israel, the chosen land of God and back. Feeling melancholic, there's a desire to pen (or type) some thoughts down before the pictures are processed.

On the contrary of what we have seen on CNN, BBC and other news broadcasts, Israel basks in a peace and tranquility that can only be experienced by setting foot on the holy land. Quoting my tour guide, Amir, a really charming and eloquent man, "I used to tell the Americans that the most dangerous part of the trip is the journey from their homes to their airport." Indeed, it's true.

No bombs, no guns and not even terrorist-suspicious-looking locals. This is a nation of peace-loving people. Believe it or not, Bethelem, the birthplace of Jesus Christ, became a popular breeding ground of terrorirsts. What happened to it? It has been cordoned off from the rest of Jerusalem! The security checks into and out of Israel is so strict that we had to be questioned and our luggages thoroughly scanned and physically checked before we could pass the immigration. If this is not sufficient to illustrate its stand on security, we drove on the West Bank, right into Palestine and back to Israel to get a sense of its peace between the stretch of two walls separating the countries. This is how secure that country is.

My interests in this country has risen by a few notches. I now look at this country differently - from a historical and archeological point-of-view and a spiritual, Christian point-of-view.

The country is steeped in history - having been under the rulings of several types of cultures. The Persians, Romans, Greeks, Babylonians, Arabs, Crusaders and so on, until they became independent under Isralis' ruling in 1948. Because of this, Israel has many charming sites where cities have been built upon cities. Through the ruins, we saw traces of the different cultures - architectures, materials used for buildings, household items and so on, spoke of the thousands of years of history that Israel had before becoming independent.

Israel is also the only country in the world that's transacting in the biblical age shekels. Of course, to fit into the economics world, US dollar is accepted. Its first language is also the biblical age Hebrew, which I thought to be extinct, as a Christian, reading the bible from a spiritual point-of-view. On top of that, we also witness the aged-old traditions of the Jewish rituals at the Welling Wall, where the Jews prayed with all their heart, mind, soul and body. This site was predominant even at the airport. While waiting to move on to our coach, we saw a group of Urtho-Orthodox Jews praying in front of a wall. Of course, it was a good start to the trip. We were full of curiosity of this country that we understood through our bible, which, we have so far considered a spiritual tool to understanding our Abba Father.

The bible, is in actual fact, more than just spiritual and the words of our God. It also contains thousands of years of history of Israel. The core of the "story" is of course, God. And indeed, this country has seen the works of God. The miracles that kept Israel's survival, which otherwise, the country would perish.

Geographically, it's located on the globe such that it has very little water access. It's also surrounded its enemies, who could wipe them out easily, population-sense. Geographically, it also has a bad military strategic location. But Israel has lived on, through God's promises.

It's a flourished land, where peace prevails. There's no barren but lands filled with green pastures, olive trees, springs and farmlands. As we drove by its neighbours, we could see the contrast of the barren lands as opposed to Israel's.

I can't speak enough of the beauty of Israel, and this Emmaus walk or the journey of Christ deeply seeps into my heart. I long to visit this Holy Land again.

For pictures (Day 1 - 6): www.picasaweb.com/pepperick

(Note that it's up to day 6 because the other pictures have been destroyed when the computer crashed. Very sad indeed. Nevertheless, enjoy viewing.)